The Saddest Day of The Year

According to a researcher from Cardiff University, January 21 is going to be the saddest day of the year, based on a formula that includes daylight, time lapsed since holidays, and other factors. I suppose winter is a bit less cheery than summer. Here in Boston, tonight, the temperature is in the teens. The sun went down somewhere around 5 o'clock. For me, the luster of a brand new year of teaching is wearing off. The brilliant ideas are running down to a trickle while student failure rates are dogging me. In the city, what looked like a promising new year for safety has now degenerated with a new spat of youth-related homicides and we're a few deaths ahead of where we were this time last year. I have friends who have been dealing with a tough layoff, a break-up, an impossible job situation, having to deal with going back to school, or plain old loneliness for a while now; and, now that the holidays are over, it's back to the reality of how everything was before. So bleak, cold, January days do nothing for our moods.


In darker, more melancholy days, I am reminded of a truth from the Sweet Psalmist of Israel, David. He says, "in the night also, my heart instructs me... I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices..." (Psalm 16).

Only God sees us at our lowest, when perhaps we sit in our own rooms with only a desk lamp on or lying on our beds in the dark, sighing, head down, maybe worried. In a night like that, the Psalmist David lets his heart instruct him. Literally, he preaches to himself. And what does he preach? He instructs himself by "setting the Lord before me," or reminding himself that God is right there. Though the night is dark and his world is shaking around him, the founder and creator of the world is by his side; and that makes him glad.

I have a friend who reminds me there are no bad days in Christ. This is true; for a Christian, knowing that your identity is Christ and that none of your successes or failures have any bearing on your worth in God's eyes-- knowing your salvation is sure-- should mean that every day is a good day in Christ.

But circumstances tend to affect us. We feel like there are good days and bad days; and to be honest, a lot of us feel like there are more bad days than good. But in times like that, days like January 21 when we've broken all our New Year's resolutions and we're going back to lonely old Wisconsin for the second semester of school to beat us up again, we can do what David does: we can preach to ourselves. We can tell ourselves, "the Lord is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken." We can say to our disappointments, "The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup (v. 5)." We can remember of Jesus Christ, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you (v. 2)."

And when we preach to ourselves, we let the truth, security, and happiness of our salvation take over. Simple phrases-- I once was lost and now am found, Jesus loves me-- remind us that everything in our lives could fail, but people who love Jesus can throw themselves on the foundational truth that he has already taken care of their biggest problems: sin, death, and separation from God. That is the Gospel. The Savior is no less by our side in these smaller and more temporary pains.

You don't automatically feel this way, but you have to fight for it. You have to preach it. Otherwise, the world-- the low-light days, the circumstances, the news-- will preach themselves to you. See, that's how David was able to say, "my heart is glad; my whole being rejoices!" In the same way, that's how the apostle Paul is able to command believers: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I say it again, REJOICE! (Phil 4:4)" That's how my friend is able to say, "There are no bad days in Christ." The Saddest Day of the Year will be upon us tomorrow. You may have many real reasons to hang your head in disappointment or sadness. Things happen to us... and it's tough. We can't take control of all our circumstances, but, what we can do is preach Christ-- the Gospel-- to ourselves and let that make us glad.

Applying to Seminary: How Do I Know I'm Called?

This is me entering credit card data in payment for my application to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. It has been quite a road over the last few months as I pondered and prayed about whether or not to leave my first career passion, public school education, and pursue a theology degree for full-time ministry. The answer, as you can see, is yes. I have resigned my job, effective Sept '08; I am applying for seminary and, if it's God's plan, I'll attend Gordon-Conwell in the fall.

I am excited! At first, I was more nervous than excited--when it wasn't quite clear yet that this was the decision God was pointing me towards. I thought about how to explain it to my boss. I wondered what my parents would say. I was concerned about the money. I thought about how it might affect my girlfriend. Where would I live? What would the next four years look like? Am I the type of person who could do the work of shepherding? And honestly, I lamented the possibility that I would never reach my full potential as a public school teacher. But, most of all, I was unsure if this was a "calling."

I began having conversations with people. In November, I spoke to my boss to ask his opinion. He encouraged me and prayed for me. I began talking to my mother. She didn't agree with the direction, but encouraged me anyway. Almost everyone I spoke to encouraged me. I continued to pray.

Finally, after Christmas, it became clear: It's not grammar, reading, writing, even critical thinking or self expression that I'm most passionate about. Those things are really important and we need teachers who are passionate about those things. If anything, it was always the lives of the students I taught that were more important to me. Instead, I have always been more invested in the church ministries I served in, seeing those as powerful avenues through which God could draw youths into the church and into relationship with him. I could also see how God has been preparing me by involving me in Project Destiny, Vietnamese Alliance Church, and BCEC's youth ministry over the past few years.

I still don't know if this constitutes a call, but knowing my desire to go to seminary came from a heart to bring glory to God helped me feel at peace with finally filling out the application two weeks ago. When I finally resigned my position last week, I not only felt peace, but real excitement. And when I told my mom this past weekend over lunch, she was pretty enthusiastic too. Even writing about it right now, I've got this growing sense of "I can't wait to get started!" and an urge to praise God all the more! I'll be at least 30 by the time I'm done with the Masters of Divinity, but whatever years I have left after that, it will be enough for whatever purpose that God has in mind.

If you could, would you please pray that:

1. God would continue to confirm his leading of me in this way?
2. I would have words to say as I try to explain all this to my dad who is not a believer?
3. Also, please pray that as I make big life decisions over the few months, I'll be granted wisdom and faith.

Thanks!