Final Exams

This semester has passed and I'm, like most students, in final exams. It has been a long time since I have joined the company of students who do this two times every year. Seminary is similar to college in this regard. Everywhere you go, there are students with their noses in text books (some of them for only the second or third time this semester!) while they eat, walk, or do anything else that does not require total concentration. There is one room set up next to my suite called the study lounge-- a place I dare not go because of an overwhelming presence of stress which hovers there. Seminarians, like other people, sometimes get cranky when they get stressed and I've overheard a number of distressed and complaining conversations that rival those found in undergrad universities.

I'm doing fine. 2 exams and one paper down, 1 exam and 3 papers left to go. For sure, this beats grading papers and recording final grades. There is a safety and comfort in knowing that any sudden lapse on my part would result only in my own harm and not the harm of 86 students besides. And, to tell the truth, I really enjoy this. God has now given me the discipline to be the kind of study freak I always sort of envied in college. I feel like I'm testing out the four wheel drive of a new truck.

The series on Jonah at TWR will be done after this Friday, with Pastor Enoch book-ending the series. Meanwhile, the junior high kids will be coming over to my ancestral home once again for another Christmas Spectacular. The next two months will be focused on whatever the new preaching series will be, the recruitment of counselors for Project Destiny, and on building a multi-church worship team for our 200-something person-large youth retreat, slated for February. I'm excited.

Big Week Summary

Woohoo! Reading week is over and classes are about to resume; but it has been a big week. Tuesday was my silent retreat day at Notre Dame Spirituality Center in Ipswich; Wednesday was the prison visit and sermon; Friday I preached twice; and Saturday our youth group worship team had its long awaited practice.

It has encouraging week. As I look forward to the time when more and more of my weeks may look like this past one, my faith is being expanded to see how God can accomplish more through me than I reasonably try to imagine. Not that sermons and meetings are the goal of ministry-- life change is; but if those are the means by which God works out transformations, then it's encouraging to see that I can at least keep up with the work load.

The second message on Friday night, by the way, found its way home into somebody-- the teens are a good, welcoming group to teach to.

I wish I had pictures to show you, but I wasn't allowed to bring a camera to the prison... imagine an inmate three times my size death-grip-handshaking me while another guy lifts me up via wedgie. (just kidding... they were very very very warm and brotherly)

MCI Shirley Visit

I just returned from a visit to MCI Shirley-- one of the Massachusetts prisons-- where I got to worship and preach at the medium security evening worship service. It was awesome! The men there were hospitable (one of the guys kept bringing me water) and introduced themselves. The chapel was packed-- I'd say we had 80 or more guys there from all over the demographic scale. Blacks, Whites, Hispanic, at least one Asian guy, elderly gentlemen, middle-aged men, and some fiery younger guys, about my age. There were new believers and folks who had been in church forever.

Perhaps where it was different, though, was a the real sense of joy and thankfulness that was there the whole night. It wasn't a fake emotional high, either-- they were themselves for the most part; but they were grateful to be in church, to worship the Lord and have fellowship with one another. It was so different from my experiences at some larger, big-scale churches I've been to. It reminded me a lot of what drew me towards ministry at the Dorchester church where I used to serve-- the warmth and gratitude that didn't lose sight of reality, but praised God in spite of it. I love visiting and being at churches like that. I wish I could get to know those folks better-- I bet some of them have some amazing stories of God's work in their lives.

My sermon went well. The sermon from Jonah 1 was entitled "Mercy That Won't Let Go" and it was about how we hate to ask for mercy, but the God who chases us down with storms is the same God who runs after us with arms wide open, literally dying to show us mercy if we turn around and ask him for it. Their liveliness and encouragement made them the easiest bunch I ever had to preach in front of. I pray that the word would take root and bear fruit in their lives. This was probably the best part of this first semester for me. Thanks for praying =)

Preaching again this Friday... Jonah 2 this time. I'm still working on the hermeneutical idea... it hasn't appeared yet. If you'll lift up a prayer for me, I'd be grateful.

The Weight of Voting

I believe it was eight years ago, my second year in college, that I was huddled in Xenia house in Middlebury, along with a friend nervously awaiting the results of the presidential election. You may remember that it was the year of the Hanging Chad and Florida Recounts. I didn't know much back then... earlier in the day, I had gone down to the town gym to cast my ballot for George W. Bush because he was a conservative who agreed with my stance on abortion and other litmus test issues. Over the next few years, I always felt the responsibility of having elected him. When Mr. Bush soared and inspired the country in 2001, I felt that. When we saw the mistakes that came after-- Iraq, No Child Left Behind, etc., I felt that, too.

I don't know if I know much more now than I did then. I may still be blinded by qualities that I admire or positions that I believe are sacred which may turn out to be non-factors after all. But I do want to be more intentional about weighing my vote. In the end, God will elect the leader that he has in his plan-- whether for our temporal good or for our temporal evil-- but I'd hope to choose the one for our temporal good.

In an election year like this, it is harder than ever to know how to vote. The issues that have defined the evangelical platform are no longer so agreed upon. There is much dissatisfaction with the American church's tie to the conservative agenda and with the Republican party's candidate. The policies of small government are frankly un-biblical as the government is ordained to hold up the downtrodden against poverty.

The Democratic Party, however, continues to be a tough swallow for most evangelicals because of its acceptance of the abortion practice (I won't quote numbers, but astronomically more preborn kids lose their lives every year than total casualties of war in Iraq-- including civilians.) It is this one issue that prevents me from registering as a Democrat. Other unbiblical areas of the liberal social platform are less egregious to me (same sex marriage, school prayer).

Who is a candidate who can set an example of integrity, justice, compassion, responsibility, wisdom, humility, and faith while always choosing the right? There probably is none. But I'll vote for one that looks close enough.

Pray, Christians. Conscience demands it. Pray.


Update on Jonah sermon-- it went well considering it was my first time back. I had fun listening to the distracted comments of 6th grade boys that punctuated my talk. It might have been a little abstract for them-- the idea being that God chases down runaways to show them mercy.

I'll be preaching again next Wednesday, at a state penitentiary-- same Jonah text-- and next Friday to the youth.

Teaching Once Again

It has been some time, but I am finally going back to teaching this Friday. I'll be giving a sermon to the youth from Jonah 1:4-16. The prep so far has been going well and I'm looking forward to sharing God's word once again.

While looking over old sermons, I realized that I have picked up several habits that I previously didn't have. I have developed a Christocentric hermeneutical preference-- i.e. I look for the places where grace, substitutionary atonement, and other Jesus-related themes occur in the passage regardless of whether or not it explicitly speaks of Christ. I have also begun to minimize my use of illustrations as a teaching tool. Perhaps on the other end of habits is my tendency to run out of time for preparation. Hopefully seminary will, somehow, have an indirect impact on my teaching so that I could more accurately and faithfully share Christ with the junior highers.

I'll be prepping from now until tomorrow night. If you get the chance, please pray for me!

Brief Article on Project Destiny's Development

Project Destiny just rebooted for another cycle of planning. I've re-signed for another year of directing. Praise God for the opportunity.

The following is an article I wrote about Project Destiny, recently published in "BCEC connections" (apologies for unedited inaccuracies ... let me know and I'll change them). Full names have been replaced with initials.

Another summer has passed and with it, another season of Project Destiny has come to a close. 27 married, single, college, and high-school age counselors. 51 campers from all over the Boston area. Once again disbanded…but WAIT--It’s not over!

Project Destiny is the name of BCEC’s middle-school day-camp that has been running for 15 summers now. It exists to glorify God by serving the Chinatown community and sharing the Gospel to the campers who come, as well as to provide ministry training and experience to the counselors who volunteer.

The idea for PD was born in 1994, when the pastoral staff saw a need for middle-school summer programming in the community and asked for volunteers to put together a camp. Several lay-leaders, many who were professional teachers, responded to the call and formed Project Destiny. Over first few years, the format became a program of academic classes and educational field trips combined with morning “charting”—a time of learning God’s word through skits, talks, and testimonies. For counselors, the model became one of living together in Christian community while serving in a common purpose.

Over the next decade, H.G., director of PD for all but one of those years, sought out ways to integrate the outreach of PD with the regularity of church. One of the hardest things about being a counselor in those days, and still even now, was putting so much love and prayer onto our campers and helping them to know Christ, only to see so many of them never return to church. The converse was also true—one of the delights of being a counselor was seeing the occasional kid becoming a part of our church. Towards that end different efforts were made at continuing a fellowship or afterschool program during the school year.

In 2005, Pastor E.L., youth director at the time, took on the responsibilities of director. Over the next three years, he continued to seek out ways to integrate PD with the regular youth ministries, such as connecting Summer Teen Conference to the end of PD, recruiting youth ministry volunteers from Project Destiny staff, and increasing the amount of preaching during the camp so that students would be used to the format of the regular youth group.

Over this past year, we had one of the most exciting developments in BCEC’s community outreach history—the hiring of a full-time staff member dedicated to coordinating and running an after-school program. From October to June, V.C. shepherded and taught a pilot group of youth, most of whom had been campers in PD 2007. That small group grew to include new comers, who in turn came to Project Destiny during this past summer. In answer to prayers,God led BCEC to extend the position and the program for 2008, so students who began coming to church through Project Destiny, the day-camp, will have the opportunity to continue coming to church through Project Destiny After School (PDAS), the after-school program!

It is in this context that I am pleased to report that in 2008, 51 students came and heard the Gospel this summer. They were loved, served, and prayed for by 27 faithful counselors. Most of those 51 chose to attend Summer Teen Conference as well. Some of them have been coming to our middle school fellowships-- JYF and TWR. Some of them have begun attending PDAS. Through these ministries and others, I pray that the Holy Spirit may continue to work in their lives and grow them in their love for God. And may the church continue to glorify God through its work of proclaiming the Gospel in our community.

photos: a. Students looking over a claymation short film they created; b. End of year Family Night

New Start

It has been almost 3 weeks since I returned from Japan (long story there!) and began classes at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary. I have not yet given up on this blog, though it took some time to get back to it. A few highlights from the summer:

• Project Destiny ended in August. It was exciting to see most of the students attending our Summer Teen Conference at Camp Cherith, Maine. A few of those kids are now plugged into our afterschool program (PDAS) and see Mr. Cheung, Mr. Fei, and Ms. Lui, and others on a regular basis. Several campers have also started to attend TWR, the middle school fellowship as well.
  
  
• There were some tough parts about serving as the camp director this year, which I'll be happy to share with you about if you ask me. The amazing thing to me, though, is how God redeems hardship and trouble to accomplish good things. It was in moments when I felt let down and when I felt like I had let down others that God made me trust him more and proved that He really is all that I need.
  
  
• I took bike ride after PD ended-- partly to get some exercise and partly to spend some time alone. I packed my bags with what I thought would be some useful stuff- like water, first aid, food, etc. It started out as a ride from my ancestral home in Quincy to Boston (10 miles). Then, once I got to Chinatown, though, I got the sense that I could and should keep going. So I rode to buy some more equipment from REI (a tent) and then hit the Minuteman Bike Trail out to Bedford (18 miles). By the time I arrived in Bedford, it was already late, so I searched for a place to stay before finally settling on the campgrounds at Hanscom Airforce Base. The next morning, I was told I couldn't stay because I wasn't military, so I got up and continued my ride through a muddy dirt trail to Concord (7 miles) where I visited all the cool Americal Literature sites. Best of all was a ride around Walden Pond and a subsequent swim to wash off all the grime. Finally, as the day wound down, I rode to the town of Lowell (24 miles) before turning back towards Boston via Woburn (20 miles). And yes, it was an awesome time of solitude.

And finally, Gordon Conwell has been better than I had hoped for. There's a lot of reading and learning to do, yet in the midst of it, God has given me a gift of discipline that I had previously not quite had. Maybe it's just the rush of a new start, where I'll inevitably revert; but this feels different... almost natural. It's strange that I never had this in college or even in the "real world." In any case, there is so much to be thankful for in this new place and time. I miss being in Chinatown, but there are things to be grateful for here, too.

Week 3

I find myself settling into a groove. That's nice in that I've figured out how to take the work load and where I am needed or not needed at a given moment. The team feels smoother, more like a bike's pedaling hum after you oil the chains. The danger, though, is that I don't feel like I need to pray as much. There's still more than half of the camp left to go, though, and I've got at least 2 more talks as well as numerous devotionals left to go. While the staff team seems to be doing well, there are still many huddle appointments and opportunities to have good conversations as well as bring the Gospel to bear in many life situations.

Please pray that I'd remember the centrality of prayer in Project Destiny as I try to serve campers and counselors alike.

Charting Talks (Update)

Thank you for praying! The last two talks on the Life of Moses went pretty well. In the first one, I felt really nervous, but in the second one, today, went better.

The first talk was about how people look at the question of who controls their life: some say themselves; some say luck; and some say there's a greater plan beyond themselves. We used the phrases "solo," "go with the flow," and "it's God, yo!" to help remember these points of view.

The second talk was about how going "solo" is problematic if God actually exists. I pulled in the idea of what Sin is-- doing something your way instead of God's way. The text of Exodus was a picture of Moses going "solo" by killing the Egyptian, doing it his way instead of God's.

Praise God for attentive campers. May the Lord use his word to work in their lives.

Need Prayer-- "Charting"

Please pray for me as I set time to plan the "Charting" talk for this Thursday. "Charting" is the spiritual development component of Project Destiny-- a morning chapel time for our campers. It consists of well-produced dramas that illustrate Biblical narrative sections and short sermons that draw out the Gospel from these narratives.

I will be preaching from the life of Moses this year and it is the greatest source of uncertainty for me. I'm afraid that I won't be relevant, or that I'll make the Bible boring, or that I'll be unclear. I'm sort of comparing my work against previous years' work as well, though I know I shouldn't. Please pray that God would use these talks to reveal himself to our campers.

Please also pray that I will have time to plan the talk for this week. I've kept running into things here and there that prevent me from working on the sermon. They are important staff-team related things, but I need find a chunk of uninterrupted time to study and prepare.

Thanks!

PD Staff Overnighter

pd staff doing their best impression of me

Our PD Staff Team returned yesterday from our overnighter. It was the first time that all 27 staff were present! Over the weekend, we worshiped together (we've got some strong voices on the team!), prayed together, prepared meals, ate meals, faced team-building challenges, and received devotions together. It takes time and the Holy Spirit's work to bring such a diverse and large team together as one. Please pray for our unity and love for one another.

I enjoyed teaching Bible devotions this past week. They not as bad as I imagined they could be! So praise God for that encouragement and his enabling me to serve in this way so far. One theme we've latched onto is the mandate we have to be servants to God, our team, and others without ego, judgmentalism, or desire for recognition; but rather with love, honor, truth, and grace.

The End/ Beginning

This was the last day of my teaching career at JQUS. I'm still processing and am not sure how I feel about it. I'm glad I got to share the gospel and have conversations about faith with three friends and colleagues before I left.

A poignant moment: sitting down with a student I had taught four years ago, who had moved away and wanted to transfer back, and who was now telling me his desire to be a trial lawyer. It reminded me of what successful young men and women some of them will grow to be. But then I thought of the ones that had withered under my watch... some to jail, some to pregnancy, some to drugs and gangs... What will become of them? When you look at the people your students will become, some of the things you stressed them out about during class seem so pointless. And in the light of eternity, some things are even more meaningless

Then I was done. I shook many hands. As I rode my bike down the street for the last time, students waved goodbye and I waved back. And that was it.

Meanwhile, today was the start of PD training. The directors got up at 5AM to get ready. This was, though, a relatively laid back day with lighter training. Praise God for him starting to integrate the team into one, as relationships are forming and tightening.

One mistake: I forgot to a save a meal for one counselor who was out for a while. How sad to come back and not have a meal waiting for you! I made him a grilled turkey sandwich instead.

Please pray for me... I clearly can't direct this camp; but God doesn't call the equipped, he equips those he calls. So I have faith that he'll do the same to me so that I can serve him better.

Ministry Position

One thing further-- I've been tentatively offered a part-time ministry position at a church in Boston! It is not my first ministry position offer ever, but it is exciting. I am prayerfully considering the implications of this and would appreciate you praying for me as well. I don't know how God is leading. A few concerns I have are: busy schedule, study time, proximity to friends, and money. These all play into my decision making in one way or another. I'd be happy to talk about it if you want to know more...

PD Starting!

We are alive! We got back from camping safely and I, for one, am grateful for the relaxing time of hanging out with the middle-schoolers. I'm also grateful that the Lord chose to provide rain-free weather for the whole time we were there. The whole thing went smoothly and I'm reminded again of what dedicated and competent youth workers I have the honor of serving with.

Just shooting out a quick prayer request-- Project Destiny's Training Week is beginning tomorrow (6/23) -- actually, today. If you get to read this, would you please shoot a quick prayer for me and for the rest of the planning team? The assistant directors and I got to pray tonight-- a much needed time of confessing our inadequacy and asking the Lord to make us wiser than we are with his wisdom.

• Please pray for good use of time as I try to wrap up school grades and try to run training at the same time.
• Pray for God to be preparing our staff members well with skill, love, grace, and unity.
• Pray for unity and the building of a relationship between the assistant directors and myself.
• Pray for sensitivity and wisdom for the directors to care for other staff-members.
• Pray for my devotionals this week as I lead the staff team in meeting God every morning.
• Pray for my own time with God-- that it would not be neglected.

Thanks-- I'm reminded now, more than usual, how much I am in need of Christ.

Moving Out and Camping Tonight

I moved out of my apartment in Chinatown last week... I was grateful that I was able to move everything I owned except furniture in one round. But I'm still there, for at least the next five days. How do I feel about moving out? It doesn't really register yet, since this week has been a whirlwind and will continue to be so up until PD starts. On one level, I know I can always come back here and crash on the couch, but the familiar space of my room is no longer in existence. All the pictures, books, and other possessions are gone. I guess I had already mentally prepared myself to not be here over the past few months. As I reflected on my last laundry load, which had been sitting in the dryer for a long time, I realized I had not sat down in my apartment for more than 2 hours at a time since last month, aside from sleeping. So, there are things I will miss-- like the kids in the courtyard who have been asking me if I'm really moving away and what seminary is for. But I don't think that leaving will hit me until Project Destiny ends this summer.

On another note, I'm going camping tonight with 20 middle schoolers and a handful of adults as an end-of-the-year event for TWR, our youth group. Weather might be bad, but pray for relationships to be strengthened and for the Gospel to hit home as I give a devotional in the morning.

Biblical Foundations for Support Raising

WARNING: Not a terribly interesting post, but it might help some people who are in the middle of fund raising.

It is humbling to ask people for money. I avoid it if I can. However, recently, I've had to ask friends and family members to support me in two different ways: Project Destiny and the Partnership Program for Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. I sent out 63 support letters for Project Destiny and I have been contacting individuals about Gordon-Conwell. It has been amazing to see how folks have responded in generosity-- and even more amazing to realize how God is providing a way forward on a trail that he has blazed.

I've gotten a chance to think a bit about the biblical foundations for fundraising lately:

My understanding of Christian support-building is that the Church is one body whose purpose is to glorify Christ in this world and to proclaim the Gospel in word and deed, especially to those who do not know it. To live this out, members of the Church should see their own lives and possessions with an Acts 2 mentality: sharing everything in common, devoting to prayer, and supplying for one another’s needs. To those who have Christ in common, the Gospel is of immense worth, and its a joy to participate in its advance.

Because of this, I can boldly ask—knowing that, while I am asking people to help me, I am also offering an opportunity to partner for the sake of Christ and for the spread of the Gospel. The Apostle Paul himself offered this idea in his letter to the Philippians: “Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit.” In other words, the opportunity to give is also a ministry to the giver by offering them a chance to have this attitude in Christ. The result is a double-blessing for all involved: the joy of partnering in life-transforming Gospel work and the blessing of being connected to others in supporting or being supported.

While I may boldly ask, I may not expect anyone to give—I may not coerce, manipulate, or guilt anyone to contribute or pray for me. The Apostle Paul wrote, in the second letter to the Corinthians, “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” I believe that the end will not justify the means—that each “means” is also an “end” in itself. One goal of partnership ministry, besides the “end goal” of supporting a ministry, is to provide opportunities for and to cultivate the “cheerful giver.” Any practice that short-changes this aspect of support-raising is unbiblical and may, in fact, be the manifestation of unbelief in the work of the Holy Spirit in the lives of potential partners.

In any case... I hope this helps you if you find yourself in a situation similar to mine where you have to fund raise for the Gospel.

PD 08 Support Letter

Below, is a copy of a letter I'll be sending to some friends this week. Please let me know if you'd be interested in partnering financially or if you'd like to be a prayer supporter. Thanks so much to you guys who have supported me so often in the past!

Hi Friends!

I’ve got some summer plans that I’d like to share with you. As you may know, I’ve spent most of my summers for the past several years as a counselor for middle school youth in Project Destiny—a summer camp in Boston’s Chinatown. I have joined the team once again—this year under the title of Executive Director. It’s a joy, every summer, to see dozens of 11-14 year olds (hyper, emo, cool, goofy, shy, etc.) learn new skills, experience new adventures, and have their lives impacted by their encounter with the gospel in word and action. I’m as excited this year as I have ever been to be a part of God’s work in the lives of campers and counselors alike through PD.

My role this summer, as the camp director, will be to train, supervise, and shepherd a 24-person staff team as we plan and execute 5 weeks of camp programming and 2.5 weeks of pre-camp prep and post-camp debriefing. I’ll also design, oversee, and run camper and staff spiritual development components by writing and sharing devotionals on a daily basis while preaching to campers twice a week. (Please pray for that last part!!!)

It will be a very different role than I am used to. It sounds like a lot! Honestly, I think it will be a big stretch for me and I don’t think, by any means, that I have the ability to do all the parts of my role. Thankfully, I’ll have two trusty assistant directors, the support of past directors (like the force apparitions in Star Wars!), and I trust that God will accomplish his purposes whether I do well or I struggle. It’s not human hands, after all, that builds an eternal kingdom; it is the foundation of Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit.

Please pray for me. Starting June 22, I will move out of my apartment of three years (in preparation for beginning seminary in the fall!) and moving into a dorm in Emerson where I’ll live with most of our staff team. I’ll be running training until the first day of camp on July 7. Then I’ll be running the day-to-day operations until August 9, when camp ends. Then we will debrief until August 13. Please pray that I’ll have the energy, love, compassion, wisdom, and humility to direct all of this. Perhaps, if you pray for one thing for me, pray that I would make time to pray every day (God has been teaching me big lessons about the centrality of prayer in missions and ministry).

Also, please pray that the Holy Spirit would do a mighty work in the hearts of our youths and counselors this summer—that kids would connect with our regular youth group and believe in Jesus while counselors get their hearts ignited to spend their lives on truly significant and eternal things.

I’m trying to raise some financial support as well to off-set my own costs (food, living, field trips,) and some camper costs too. If you would like to partner either in prayer, a monetary donation, or in some service-related way (cook dinner for our staff?) please let me know via e-mail or comment. Thanks so much!

Why B*** is a Bad Word

I met up with a friend recently for dinner and talk. As often happens, we got to the part of the conversation where we talk about how much we've been doing lately. You know how this goes: you start to feel guilty about not having been a better friend and then subtly-- although nobody really misses this-- you begin listing off the things you have been involved in:

"Work has been crazy lately. And I've been meeting up with the youth group kids a lot more. And every other Tuesday, I've got a meeting with X. I'm leading Y group every Wednesday for church. And Project Z has been ramping up, so it's taking up the rest of my spare time. I haven't even seen my roommates lately, and I've slept only 5 hours a night, and I've been B***!"

And before you know it, you're doing two things: 1) complaining about things that you're supposedly really passionate about doing, and 2) justifying yourself by your work load because either A) your work is more important than him or B) you are a slave to your work and don't have a choice, so you can't be blamed.

It didn't get to that point for me this last time. Just as I was about to say the word "busy, " I realized, at least this time, that "busy" was a bad word. It was nothing but an excuse to not take responsibility for my use of time and a way of protecting myself against feeling the weight of being a bad friend.

Have you been busy? Perhaps. Too busy to care for people and relationships? If that's true, then you've been making a huge waste of your time.

Five Weeks

I counted today-- because there was a school calendar mysteriously sitting on my desk, and because I am proctoring an MCAS today (which, for everyone's information, I have just hypocritically and horribly botched, after years of being the spokeman for correct MCAS procedures).

There are 5 weeks left.
5 weeks until there will be no more grading.
5 weeks left until there will be no more lessons to prep.
5 weeks left until I no longer climb up 8 flights of stairs, 3 times a day.
5 weeks left until my students can go home and unleash their pent up urges to explode.

It's also 5 more weeks until I pack up the accumulated relics of my four-year teaching practice.
5 more weeks until my association with JQUS ends.
5 weeks until I will no longer see the students who have been the focus of so many waking (and sleeping) thoughts over the past few years.
5 more weeks until my teaching career ends, like a train coasting to a stop at the end of a trans-continental track.

5 more weeks.

Canobie Lake Park!

Yesterday, our middle school youth group counselors and I took 6 students to Canobie Lake Park. We had a great time going on rides, like the X-treme, DaVinci's Dream, the Corkscrew, and the Yankee Cannonball. I've often wished I had more time to just hang out with the youth group kids. With applying to seminary, writing Friday night messages, planning Project Destiny, and grading papers, that kind of fun time with youth group kids is too rare. Two of our kids were from PDAS, our weekday after-school program. Four of our kids were not regular youth group attendees. Praise God for a fun day and a chance to build relationships with a handful of youths!

Serving Communion

I felt chills today while serving communion. BCEC serves communion on the first Sunday of each month. On those weeks, I usually take my communion first, after the sermon, and head to the back of the room with the bread to serve the rest of the congregation. When people come up, I'm supposed to address them, saying, "Victor, this is the Body of Christ broken for you." And then they move on to the cup, where Calvin is supposed to say, "Victor, this is the Blood of Christ shed for you."

Usually, it's a sort of mundane service to perform. I make it more exciting for myself by seeing how many names I can recall. As a matter of fact, I used to try to avoid it when the old pastor asked me to serve because I had a hard time remembering people's names on the spot.

But today, after about the 15th recipient, I started getting a sense of the enormity of what we were saying: "This is the Body of Christ broken for you! This is the Blood of Christ shed for you!" Look what you have done: you are a sinner so wretched that the Son of God had to die for you! Look how much you're worth: God sent his son to die for you!

And the one-two combination of Calvin and I greeting the recipients became a rolling chant, proclaiming the gospel over and over again while strains of "Amazing Grace" sang in the background. So, I remembered once again what an amazing thing it is to have your life saved by somebody who died doing it. What a privilege-- I was allowed to preach the gospel to about forty people today, one person at a time! Praise God for his reminders of what Grace is.

Vacation, Executive Directorship, Scholarship

April Vacation is just about over-- and it was a pretty good one. I visited good friends in Vermont, hung out with my girlfriend, saw a Sox game, fished, skied in 70 degree weather, and had a $200 dinner date at a fancy French restaurant called Aujourd'hui (I didn't pay-- she had a gift-certificate from work!) During these last days of rest, I'm mentally preparing for the storm that will be May, June, July, and August. My series at VAC got postponed, but I still have 2 sermons to prep over this next week.

By now, most of you who read this know that Project Destiny (a summer urban youth camp ministry) is a big part of what I pray for, think about, and do. Over the past few years, I've been helping to run it as a part of a director board. During our last meeting, we finalized a decision to name me Executive Director over Project Destiny. I've been involved in the camp for more than 10 years and I my heart still flutters when I think of what good God will do in and through the staff team that he assembles. It will be a challenging summer. My pastor recently asked me how I felt about this. My answer: "I trust God." In the end, that's all I can say-- I have no real reason to believe that I am the perfect candidate or that I won't fail miserably. If I say, "I can do it," it is a lie because that's honestly not how I feel. But I can trust God to lead me to glorify him in success or in failure... "as it is my earnest expectation and hope that I will not at all be ashamed, but that now, as always, Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or death." As before, I will try to post updates here throughout the summer and I appreciate your prayers.

On the seminary front, I am indeed going to Gordon-Conwell next year. On top of that, I am receiving a significant scholarship that will cover a third of my projected costs for next year. I am exceedingly grateful to see how God is encouraging me by removing obstacles and opening doors. This scholarship, called the Partnership Program requires me to build a support team and to fund raise. I will, at some point, post more about the program; but if you would like to be a support partner for me to attend seminary, please contact me by comment or the usual channels. Thanks!

Grading, Preaching, Vermont

It is nearly 2AM... and I am still grading. Term 3 grades are due tomorrow and I still have over half of the major projects left to grade along with other assignments. After you enter all the grades in your computer program, you then double-check everything, factor in extra-credit, and then fill in a whole bunch of scan-tron sheets in #2 pencil. That step is far off for me, right now.... I suppose this is one thing that I won't miss about teaching.

I have decided to preach at Vietnamese Alliance Church again for a short 4-week series, beginning April 27. I don't know what the series will be on yet, but it is an honor that they keep inviting me to speak. I really value the opportunity to preach Christ in a congregation that is never far from my heart. Please pray for me!

This weekend, I'll be visiting Vermont to reconnect with some friends from my college days there. I'll also be bringing a friend to meet folks. It will be a welcome change of pace before the truly busy season of Project Destiny planning and execution begins in May.

Image: the gold plated bathroom that I used during a recent pre-marriage conference... it was in the home of the creator of Ms. Pacman, Missile Command, and the TV Guide program!

Good Friday

These are all the words that Jesus spoke while nailed to the cross, in probable chronological order:

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
(as he was being nailed)
"Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise."
(to the repentant thief at his side)
"Woman, behold, your son!"..."Behold, your mother!"
(to Mary, his mother, and John)

"Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?"
(my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?)

"I thirst."
"It is finished...Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."
(and he breathed his last)

I've long been haunted by the ante-penultimate utterance of Jesus, "My God, why have you forsaken me?" When I was very young, the story was a story like others; except it had a tragic ending. I couldn't understand why they called it Good Friday. As far as I was concerned, we all should be very sad on that day, a day when an innocent man was killed wrongly. Throughout middle-school, I began to look at the crucifixion as an exercise in endurance and faith that we could emulate. But Jesus' calling out of that Hebrew phrase clashed with my understanding of his death. His exclamation left me with two possible conclusions: either Jesus ran out of faith at the end, or God really did abandon him.

Later, when I became a Christian, the enormity of that one phrase dawned on me. Yes-- I was right all along. Both my conclusions were correct. Jesus did run out of faith at the end. And God did really abandon him. See, you cannot have faith when there is nothing there to have faith in! When God removed his presence from Jesus-- when he removed all grace and allowed nothing but his wrath and hatred to focus on his son, when he turned his face from Christ-- there was no way he could just believe that God was still there with him.

Whether we believe in him or not, God gives us common grace so that life is possible and bearable. He looks on us, and so we live. If for even a second, God removed his presence and grace from us, there would be no goodness at all in this life that we cling to. For Jesus, whose relationship with the Father was characterized, since eternity past, by perfect love, the removal of God's presence and sudden onslaught of divine hatred would have been unimaginably horrible.

Jesus said those words... and from them, we understand that his substitutionary sacrifice for sinners like you and me was accepted by the Father. And so, if someone were to ask me about that phrase, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" I would say, "There's an answer to Jesus' question, you know-- it's not purely rhetorical. God turned his face away from Jesus so that he could turn his face towards you."

...by the way-- I received my acceptance into Gordon-Conwell on Thursday. =)

Winter Teen Conference and March

March promises an imminent end to winter. It has been a relatively milder one in Boston, with some days like today, when it has felt more like spring than winter. This past month has been eventful on different fronts

1) I am still awaiting word from Gordon-Conwell, though I have finished filing for scholarships. I will begin writing letters requesting prayer and assistance once I find out if I've been accepted. Also, there is the real possibility of taking on a structured apprenticeship a church I'm connected with, which would help both in terms of experience and finances-- I'm pretty excited about that possibility.

2) During Presidents' Day Weekend, I led a small group for 8 ninth grade boys during Winter Teen Conference, our church's youth retreat. I got to live in a cabin, hold discussions, have one-on-one talks, and hang out with them all weekend long. The speaker sessions, by Pastor Joseph Tsang from Vision Church in NYC, focused on lessons from Jonah-- God using broken people to bring about repentance and reconciliation for his glory, the misguided human obsession with "justice," the lengths God goes through to chase people down, and the need to descend when the world tells us to go up on the ladders of status and comfort. Most memorable for me were the one-on-one talks I had with my boys this weekend. It is humbling to try to see ninth graders through God's eyes as opposed to your own-- it reminded me how far apart my heart is from that of Jesus.

3) I had conversations with folks from Vietnamese Alliance Church this past weekend. It is hard for me to convey to people how much I miss serving there and being caught up in the lives of friends in that small church. If the same thing remains on your heart for a long time, does it mean God is nudging you there? There are still imprints on me left over after 2 years, like the places on rugs where old furniture used to be. I'm praying about whether or not-- or when-- to renew some sort of involvement-- whether it be preaching on Sundays, leading a small group, mentoring individuals, or just visiting more often. I wonder if Apostle Paul's experiences were personally conflicting and torn like this-- wanting to be in more than one place at once. Pray for VAC, as they continue to search for an English pastoral staff-person.

4) Vacation was very restful, although I was sick for most of it. At least half of our entire Winter Teen Conference staff came down with flu-like symptoms after the retreat. We canceled youth groups the following Friday, but if we had gone ahead, more than half of the youth workers would have been sick! Thank God for the snow=).

5) At school, this has been a much more difficult year than years past. One big reason is not having as many opportunities to build relationships with my students. We haven't had many field trips, and I only see them during the mornings (I teach in another site in the afternoons). At recent meetings, we decided to have more field trips in the months of March and April. I'm looking forward to those. Now if only we could skip the MCAS at the end of this month...

6) The Chinatown Library Advisory Council concluded its work in February. We've been working for around a year to design a Boston Public Library branch in Chinatown. During those meetings, I've gotten to learn more about how different agencies and groups compete for land in a dense city neighborhood and the issues involved in community action efforts. I've consistently attempted to represent the needs of schools, community youths, and reluctant students in Chinatown in our discussions. We've narrowed the possibilities down to three more likely sites: 1) Parcel P12 next to the DoubleTree, 2) BCEC's current site, 3) and a site adjacent to the Chinatown Gateway. There will be a public presentation on our work, along with models of what each site's library might look like and what the next steps forward are on March 18, 6-8PM, at the Quincy School cafeteria. Come, you are invited!

Pod-Casts and links

I've been listening to pod-casts for a few weeks now. Mostly, I'm listening to sermons on topics I'm interested in or teaching. Now I'm on one! How humiliating. So, here are three links:

1) Pastor Enoch Liao on "Good Suffering"-- I'm listening to this now. This is the pastor of my congregation in Chinatown with a reminder of how you apply the gospel in your life to times when you suffer so that you can do anything as you follow Jesus, even if it's hard. I have the blessing of hearing good preaching almost every week.

2) Me on Project Destiny-- a presentation on the community directed ministry I'll be helping to lead this summer. This is more of an advertisement for prospective counselors, but it sort of gives an idea of the burdens behind the program that consumes my life and the lives of my co-laborers almost every summer.

3) www.project-destiny.com -- the web site for PD that includes information and recruiting materials. If you are interested in serving as a counselor for Boston's Chinatown youth and sharing Christ with them, look here.

Change is in the Air... again

I was just looking at pictures of my friend's new baby girl. It's surreal seeing him holding her-- head small enough to fit one of his hands. My friend is a video gamer-- he spends a lot of time playing World of Warcraft; but his life is about to be changed in a huge way. When things change, people get stressed about it. This reminds us, however, that while change can be stressful, that doesn't mean it's bad. As a matter of fact, they've been looking forward to this stressful change for a while now.


I wonder what life will be like in five years. Already, things are a lot different than what I pictured two years ago. Seminary? It thought I would be a teacher for life! Moving out of Chinatown? I wanted to live in this neighborhood for good and never move out. Now, I've tentatively set a move-out week for June. Yep... it's funny the unexpected turns life can take when you decide not to take control. Sure, it's possible to plan out what you want to do with your life and go hard after it, ignoring things like God tugging at your heart ; but like an unexpected baby that comes your way, the things you never asked for, but which God does want for you, are far better than anything you can come up with on your own. So-- how long will I live away from Boston? What kind of job will I take? How will I be as a student? And what would it be like to have my life changed like my video-gaming friend? I'm not really sure... I just wonder.

Tonight, we had our final meeting of the Chinatown Public Library Study before the public presentation. We've narrowed the focus down to 4 sites (Parcel P12, Parcel A, Chinatown Gateway, Tufts Parking Lot on Hudson). After the meeting, I got to talk to a woman named Marie, from the residents' association. She was telling me about the importance of younger community members being active so that associations and councils could continue to be relevant to the changing needs of the neighborhood. I'll attend one of their meetings tomorrow to see what they're talking about and to meet people

Other stuff:
1) I'm still awaiting word from Gordon-Conwell. All my applications, financial aid forms, and taxes have been filed... just...waiting...
2) I'll be leading a small group of 8 ninth graders this weekend at our youth group's winter retreat! Please pray for me to have energy, enough sleep, love, and wisdom to know how to minister to them. Also, pray that the gospel would work its way into their lives as a result of this coming weekend.

The Saddest Day of The Year

According to a researcher from Cardiff University, January 21 is going to be the saddest day of the year, based on a formula that includes daylight, time lapsed since holidays, and other factors. I suppose winter is a bit less cheery than summer. Here in Boston, tonight, the temperature is in the teens. The sun went down somewhere around 5 o'clock. For me, the luster of a brand new year of teaching is wearing off. The brilliant ideas are running down to a trickle while student failure rates are dogging me. In the city, what looked like a promising new year for safety has now degenerated with a new spat of youth-related homicides and we're a few deaths ahead of where we were this time last year. I have friends who have been dealing with a tough layoff, a break-up, an impossible job situation, having to deal with going back to school, or plain old loneliness for a while now; and, now that the holidays are over, it's back to the reality of how everything was before. So bleak, cold, January days do nothing for our moods.


In darker, more melancholy days, I am reminded of a truth from the Sweet Psalmist of Israel, David. He says, "in the night also, my heart instructs me... I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices..." (Psalm 16).

Only God sees us at our lowest, when perhaps we sit in our own rooms with only a desk lamp on or lying on our beds in the dark, sighing, head down, maybe worried. In a night like that, the Psalmist David lets his heart instruct him. Literally, he preaches to himself. And what does he preach? He instructs himself by "setting the Lord before me," or reminding himself that God is right there. Though the night is dark and his world is shaking around him, the founder and creator of the world is by his side; and that makes him glad.

I have a friend who reminds me there are no bad days in Christ. This is true; for a Christian, knowing that your identity is Christ and that none of your successes or failures have any bearing on your worth in God's eyes-- knowing your salvation is sure-- should mean that every day is a good day in Christ.

But circumstances tend to affect us. We feel like there are good days and bad days; and to be honest, a lot of us feel like there are more bad days than good. But in times like that, days like January 21 when we've broken all our New Year's resolutions and we're going back to lonely old Wisconsin for the second semester of school to beat us up again, we can do what David does: we can preach to ourselves. We can tell ourselves, "the Lord is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken." We can say to our disappointments, "The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup (v. 5)." We can remember of Jesus Christ, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you (v. 2)."

And when we preach to ourselves, we let the truth, security, and happiness of our salvation take over. Simple phrases-- I once was lost and now am found, Jesus loves me-- remind us that everything in our lives could fail, but people who love Jesus can throw themselves on the foundational truth that he has already taken care of their biggest problems: sin, death, and separation from God. That is the Gospel. The Savior is no less by our side in these smaller and more temporary pains.

You don't automatically feel this way, but you have to fight for it. You have to preach it. Otherwise, the world-- the low-light days, the circumstances, the news-- will preach themselves to you. See, that's how David was able to say, "my heart is glad; my whole being rejoices!" In the same way, that's how the apostle Paul is able to command believers: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I say it again, REJOICE! (Phil 4:4)" That's how my friend is able to say, "There are no bad days in Christ." The Saddest Day of the Year will be upon us tomorrow. You may have many real reasons to hang your head in disappointment or sadness. Things happen to us... and it's tough. We can't take control of all our circumstances, but, what we can do is preach Christ-- the Gospel-- to ourselves and let that make us glad.

Applying to Seminary: How Do I Know I'm Called?

This is me entering credit card data in payment for my application to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. It has been quite a road over the last few months as I pondered and prayed about whether or not to leave my first career passion, public school education, and pursue a theology degree for full-time ministry. The answer, as you can see, is yes. I have resigned my job, effective Sept '08; I am applying for seminary and, if it's God's plan, I'll attend Gordon-Conwell in the fall.

I am excited! At first, I was more nervous than excited--when it wasn't quite clear yet that this was the decision God was pointing me towards. I thought about how to explain it to my boss. I wondered what my parents would say. I was concerned about the money. I thought about how it might affect my girlfriend. Where would I live? What would the next four years look like? Am I the type of person who could do the work of shepherding? And honestly, I lamented the possibility that I would never reach my full potential as a public school teacher. But, most of all, I was unsure if this was a "calling."

I began having conversations with people. In November, I spoke to my boss to ask his opinion. He encouraged me and prayed for me. I began talking to my mother. She didn't agree with the direction, but encouraged me anyway. Almost everyone I spoke to encouraged me. I continued to pray.

Finally, after Christmas, it became clear: It's not grammar, reading, writing, even critical thinking or self expression that I'm most passionate about. Those things are really important and we need teachers who are passionate about those things. If anything, it was always the lives of the students I taught that were more important to me. Instead, I have always been more invested in the church ministries I served in, seeing those as powerful avenues through which God could draw youths into the church and into relationship with him. I could also see how God has been preparing me by involving me in Project Destiny, Vietnamese Alliance Church, and BCEC's youth ministry over the past few years.

I still don't know if this constitutes a call, but knowing my desire to go to seminary came from a heart to bring glory to God helped me feel at peace with finally filling out the application two weeks ago. When I finally resigned my position last week, I not only felt peace, but real excitement. And when I told my mom this past weekend over lunch, she was pretty enthusiastic too. Even writing about it right now, I've got this growing sense of "I can't wait to get started!" and an urge to praise God all the more! I'll be at least 30 by the time I'm done with the Masters of Divinity, but whatever years I have left after that, it will be enough for whatever purpose that God has in mind.

If you could, would you please pray that:

1. God would continue to confirm his leading of me in this way?
2. I would have words to say as I try to explain all this to my dad who is not a believer?
3. Also, please pray that as I make big life decisions over the few months, I'll be granted wisdom and faith.

Thanks!